在上个世纪，神学上最重大的进展之一，就是教会对婚姻圣事的理解有了显著提升。 One of the greatest theological developments of the last century was significant progress in the church's understanding of the sacrament of marriage.
教会一直认为贞洁的独身高于婚姻，并且始终把奉献生活中的贞洁视为对天国的预尝。 The church has always considered virginity to be higher than marriage, and always held up chastity in the consecrated life to be an anticipation of heaven.
但与此同时，教会也一贯严厉谴责那些认为婚姻不在神计划之内的人。 At the same time, though, the church has also always roundly condemned those who thought that marriage was somehow not part of God's plan.
当宗教改革否认婚姻是基督为拯救灵魂所设立的七件圣事之一时，教会坚决捍卫婚姻 不仅仅是人可以随意缔结或解除的自然民事契约，而是超自然的、圣事性的盟约。 When the Protestant Reformation denied that marriage was one of the seven sacraments instituted by Christ for the salvation of souls, the church vigorously defended that marriage was not just a natural civil contract that could be made and unmade by human beings, but a supernatural, sacramental covenant.
神所配合的人不可分开。 Those whom God has joined together, no man may rend asunder.
然而，仍有一些公教徒心里觉得，成圣好像只是祭司、修士、修女的 事，他们才是这方面的「专业人士」，而婚姻似乎总是排在后面。 Yet there was still this lingering suspicion among some Catholics that holiness was something for priests and monks and nuns, they're the professionals at this kind of thing, and that marriage was somehow second fiddle.
当神学院的学生学习婚姻时，就像他们学习道德神学一样，常 常是作为教会法的一个分支来学的。而在教会所有学科里，我 实在想不出比教会法更枯燥的内容了，但当时就是这样教的。 When seminarians have studied marriage, like when they studied moral theology, it was often as a branch of canon law, and I can't think of anything more boring among all of the disciplines of the church than canon law, but that was how it was taught.
婚姻其实很特别，因为它既是自然的、民事的公共制度，又是圣事性的、教会性 的。为此，教会制定了一整套完善的法律体系来保护和维护婚姻盟约的独特性。 I mean, marriage is a weird thing, because as a public institution that is both natural and civil, as well as sacramental and ecclesiastical, the church developed an impressive body of laws to protect and defend the uniqueness of the marriage covenant.
二十世纪初，随着基因工程、人工避孕、离婚普及以及家庭新形态的出现，教会开 始更深入地反思圣经、自然律、社会科学和神学传统所描绘的神圣婚姻的图景。 In the early 20th century, the advent of genetic engineering, artificial contraception, widespread divorce, and new arrangements of families led the church to a deeper reflection on the picture that the Bible, natural law, the social sciences, and the theological tradition presented about holy matrimony.
到底神对性、婚姻和家庭生活的计划是什么？ What exactly is God's plan for sex, marriage and family life?
从庇护十一世的《婚姻贞洁》通谕——这是一份很棒但可惜被遗忘的通谕——到方济各教宗 的《爱的喜乐》，公教会的教导权一直努力为公教徒提供关于这件圣事更宽广的真理视野。 From Pius XI's Casti Connubii, which is a wonderful encyclical, and unfortunately too forgotten, to Pope Francis' Amoris Laetitia, one of these things is not like the other, um, the magisterium of the Catholic Church has struggled to provide Catholics with a broader vision of the truth of this sacrament.
尤其是若望保禄二世，在他的著作、通谕和周三公开接见中，为教会提供 了极为丰富的婚姻要理讲授，我认为我们几代人都还会不断去深入理解。 John Paul II, in particular, in his writings, encyclicals and Wednesday audiences, has provided the church with a rich catechesis on marriage that I think that we are going to be unpacking for generations to come.
你知道吗，其实在我们自己的堂区里，我们很有福气有许多优秀的同工，尤其是我 们的要理与福传主任安吉拉·卡拉布罗，她就是我们在这些问题上的本地专家。 You know, it is a wonderful thing that even in our own parish, we are very blessed to have many great staff people, but our own Angela Calabro, our Director of Catechesis and Evangelization is our own resident expert on these questions.
这真是我们这里的一大祝福。 It's a great blessing, uh, that we have here.
如今，教会也有意识地把一些以婚姻作为成圣道路的夫妇列入圣品。 Now, the church deliberately has raised to the altar several couples for whom marriage was their path to heaven.
你知道，这真是…… You know, it is, uh...
在平安之王堂区，我们做事总有章法，对吧？ There's always a method to the madness here at Prince of Peace, right?
那边的安静室，对吧？ The, the quiet room over there, right?
所以，安静室里的朋友们，你们好。 So hello to my people in the quiet room.
那里有路易·马丁和泽丽·马丁夫妇的圣像，还有圣德肋撒，以及他们众多圣洁的女儿们。 There is the icon of Saints Louis and Zélie Martin, and Saint Thérèse, and all of their numerous brood of holy daughters.
那是有原因的，对吧？ It's there for a reason, right?
因为教会在我们这个时代强调，家庭可以成为极其美好的成圣之地。 Because the church is upholding in our time that families can be incredible places of sanctification.
现在，许多公教青年都非常认真地分辨神对他们 婚姻的旨意，甚至比以往任何时候都更为细致。 Many Catholic young people today take seriously a call to discern God's will for marriage in a way maybe a little bit more meticulously than in some years past.
有时候，会有一些年轻人来找我，他们为神在婚姻上的旨意而苦恼。 You know, sometimes I have these, you know, young men who come to me and they're agonizing about, you know, God's will for marriage for them.
我就会说：「你总得在这个过程中去约会一次吧 ？」五十年前，祭司们可不会有这样的对话。 And I say, "Well, you've got to go on a date at some point during this whole process, right?" Priests never had this conversation 50 years ago.
当然，这一切热情都发生在教会内部对传统和新式教导都普遍反叛的时期，也是在从 流行文化到立法机关都在重新定义婚姻、使之与教会所理解的婚姻大相径庭的时候。 And of course, all of this fervor is taking place at a time when there is widespread rebellion within the church against both the classical and newer forms of that teaching, and when everything from popular culture to legislatures are redefining marriage far from anything that resembles what the church considers it to be.
现在有很多困惑，但也有很多机会。 There's a lot of confusion, but there's also a lot of opportunity.
绝大多数受洗的基督徒都是被召在婚姻生活中活出他们受洗时成圣的呼召。 The vast majority of baptized Christians are called to live out their baptismal call to holiness in the state of marriage.
在座的大多数人，你们通往天国的道路就是婚姻。 Most of you who are in this church today, that is going to be your path to heaven.
这不会是我通往天国的路，因为没有哪个女人能忍受我那么久。 It won't be my path to heaven, because there is no woman who would dare put up with me for that long.
所以道路不同，目标相同。家庭就是家庭教会，是信仰首先被聆听和传递给新一代的地方。 So different paths, same goal.Family is the domestic church, where the faith is first heard and imparted to a new generation.
我们在堂区教会里敬拜、领受圣事，而在许多方面，堂区教会正是家庭教会的延伸。 The parish church, where we worship and receive our sacraments, in many ways, is an outgrowth of that domestic church.
虽然我们领受的第一个圣事是洗礼，它是进入超自然恩典和灵魂 生命的门，但若望保禄二世提醒我们，婚姻才是最初的圣事。 Even though baptism is the first sacrament we receive, the doorway to the supernatural life of grace and soul, marriage, John Paul II recalled, is the primordial sacrament.
这是唯一在基督和他的教会之前就存在的圣事。 The only one to exist before Christ and his church.
也是唯一同时具有自然、民事和超自然、教会双重层面的制度。 And the only institution that has aspects both natural and civil as well as supernatural and ecclesiastical.
当庇护十世成为主教时，他向母亲炫耀自己漂亮闪亮的主教戒指，母亲指 着自己的婚戒说：「孩子，要不是我有这个，你也不会有那个。」对吧？ When Pope Pius X became a bishop, he showed off his beautiful blingy episcopal ring to his mother, who pointed to her wedding ring and said, "Honey, if I didn't have this, you wouldn't have that." Right?
这才是我喜欢的公教妈妈。 Now that is my kind of Catholic mama.
对吧？ Okay?
纳沙的圣方济各·沙雷（他的《虔诚生活导引》正影响着我们平安之王堂 区的2020年），是提醒教会我们都被呼召成圣的最有力声音之一。 Saint Francis de Sales, whose Introduction to the Devout Life is shaping our 2020 at Prince of Peace, was one of the most powerful voices reminding the church that we are all called to holiness.
而虔诚的生活在婚姻和家庭里同样适用，就像在修道院或修女院里一样。 And the devout life belongs in marriage and family just as much as it does in the context of a convent or a monastery.
只是形式不同而已。 It just looks different.
道路不同，目标相同。 Different path, same goal.
当日内瓦的伟大主教谈论婚姻时，他提醒我们， 即使在婚姻中，爱要持久，必须活出神性的爱。 When the great bishop of Geneva writes about marriage, he reminds us that for love to last, even in marriage, it has to be divine love lived there.
如果夫妻之间做不到这一点，婚姻就难以长久，尤其是在当今社会。 If married couples fall short of that, it's not gonna last, especially now.
他说，这种神性之爱的果效有三：你们心灵不可分离的结合 ，彼此之间不可侵犯的忠诚，以及子女的诞生和合法抚养。 He says that the effects of that divine love are the following: an indissoluble union of your hearts, an inviolable fidelity of each party to each other, and the birth and lawful rearing of children.
我得承认，尽管圣方济各·沙雷的教导在今天依 然切合实际，但他毕竟还是他那个时代的人。 Now I have to admit, Saint Francis de Sales, as much as his teaching is so relevant today, is still a child of his age.
无论是激进女权主义还是我们时代真正的基督徒女性主 义者，可能都会对他关于「弱者」的说法感到不满。 Both radical feminism and the authentic Christian feminism of our time may rankle at his characterizations of the weaker sex.
我记得我妈妈曾对我说：「克里斯托弗，如果一个女人能经历分娩，那绝不是弱者，所 以你别在我面前说这种话，不然我就打你。」所以我也很好奇，他的挚友圣让娜·弗朗 索瓦丝·德·尚塔尔——无论如何都不能说她是弱者——读到这些话时会怎么想。 I remember my mother telling me, "Christopher, if a woman can go through childbirth th- that is not the weaker sex, so don't ever say that in front of my face or I'll slap you." So I wonder what his best friend, Saint Jeanne Francoise de Chantal, who can hardly be described as weak in any sense of the term, thought when she read these words.
但不要让这些影响我们领受这里深刻的真理。 But don't let that get in the way of the very deep truths here.
他在谈论婚姻生活美德时，引用了圣经中一个非常生动的画面。 One of the most arresting images that he employs here about the virtues of married life is inspired by the Bible.
在创世记第24章，我们读到伟大的族长亚伯拉罕的儿子以撒正在寻找妻子。 In Genesis Chapter 24, we read about the great patriarch Abraham's son, Isaac, who is looking for a wife.
他祈求神赐给他一个非常具体的记号。 He prays that God would give him a very concrete sign.
「我对那少女说：『请你拿下瓶来，给我水喝。』她若说：『请喝，我也给你的 骆驼喝。』愿那女子就作你所预定给你仆人以撒的妻。」这要求真的很具体。 "May it be that when I say to a young woman, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink and I will water your camels too,' let her be the one." That is really specific.
对吧？ Okay?
你知道这个故事最精彩的地方是什么吗？就是他话还没 说完，那位美丽的童女利百加就出现，照他说的做了。 And you know what the best part of this story is that before he even gets the words out of his mouth, the stunning virgin Rebekah appears and does just that.
对吧？ Okay?
以撒给了她一个鼻环和两只手镯，然后，圣经记载，他就俯伏敬拜耶和华。 Isaac gave her a nose ring and two bracelets, and then, the text tells us, bowed down and worshiped the Lord.
他用慷慨和敬拜来回应神垂听祷告，但他仍然很害 怕她不愿意嫁给他，也不愿意离开家人跟随他。 He responded to his answered prayer with generosity and adoration, but he was still terrified that she wouldn't want to marry him and leave her family to follow him.
之后，他把她带到母亲撒拉那里接受祝福，他们 就结为夫妻，这大概是圣经里最短的订婚期了。 He then brought her to his mother, Sarah, for a blessing and they were married in what has to be the shortest engagement in the Bible.
对吧？ Okay?
看起来，这一切真的可能只在几个小时内就发生了。 It seems that all of this may have taken place literally in the matter of a few hours.
对吧？ Okay?
所以，一见钟情真的存在。 So love at first sight is actually a thing.
谁能想到呢？ Who knew?
对吧？ Right?
有趣的是，许多译本把鼻环译作戒指或耳环，圣方济各·沙雷所用的拉丁通行本也 是如此，但根据原文希伯来语和我们对古代近东婚俗的了解，那确实是一个鼻环。 Interestingly enough, many translations render nose ring as merely ring or earring, which is what the Latin Vulgate Saint Francis de Sales was working from renders it, but it appears from the original Hebrew and our knowledge of Ancient Near East marriage customs that it was indeed a nose ring.
那圣方济各·沙雷是如何解释这个耳环的呢？ But how does Saint Francis de Sales interpret this ear ring?
「这个神秘的饰品象征着，妻子的耳朵是丈夫首先要拥有的部分，妻子 也要忠心地为丈夫守住耳朵，不让任何别的声音或言语进入，只有纯洁 、贞洁、温柔、充满爱的言语才能进来。」 「我们要记得，毒素进入 灵魂是通过耳朵，就像进入身体是通过嘴巴一样。」他想表达什么呢？ "This mystical ornament signifies that his wife's ear is the first part a husband should take possession of, and the wife must faithfully keep it for him so that no other sound or language should enter it but the sweet and loving music of pure, chaste words.""We must remember that poison enters the soul through the ear, just as it enters the body through the mouth." What is he getting at here?
其实，夫妻之间说什么、不说什么，都可能成就或毁掉一段婚姻。 Well, what husbands and wives say to each other, what they don't say to each other, can make or break a marriage.
以撒以慷慨和美好装饰他所爱的人的耳朵，也保证进入她 耳中的话语同样充满慷慨和美好，为我们树立了榜样。 Isaac shows the way by lavishing generosity and beauty on his beloved's ear and assuring that his words that would enter therein would always be accompanied by that same generosity and beauty.
而她则以贤德、智慧和贞洁来回应。 And she responded by being a virtuous, wise, and chaste woman.
你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会一样。 Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the church.
现在，在现代公教婚礼仪式的誓言里，甚至在许多传统仪式中，都没有 要求妻子承诺顺服丈夫。但在某些地方，过去婚姻誓言里妻子承诺顺服 丈夫很常见。现在很多女性一听到这个就会说：「别想了！」对吧？ Now, it is not part of the vows in the modern Catholic marriage rite, and even in many of the traditional Catholic rites, but in some places it was very common for women in the marriage vows to s- promise to obey their husband, and now there are many women that hear that are like, "No, don't even think about it." Right?
但我坚信，如果妻子们知道丈夫像耶稣那样爱她们、善待她们，几乎没有人会抗拒顺服。 But I am firmly convinced that very few women would balk at obeying their husbands if they knew their husbands loved and treated them like Jesus did.
如果你像耶稣那样对待我，那当然没问题。 If you're gonna treat me like Jesus, then that's great.
我们就能幸福地一起生活。 We'll be happy to live life together.
正是当丈夫忘了这样去爱时，妻子才会反抗。 It's when husbands forget to do that, that women rebel.
以撒和利百加也曾经历不孕，这对婚姻来说是极大的压力。 Isaac and Rebekah also struggled with infertility, one of the greatest stressors on marriage.
创世记告诉我们，他们两人一起祷告。 The book of Genesis tells us that the two prayed together.
但希伯来原文暗示，他们是在家里专门祷告的地方，面对面地一起祷告。 But the Hebrew original evokes that they prayed opposite each other on the same side of a place designated for prayer in their home.
如果说上个世纪的佩顿神父告诉我们：「一家人一起祷告，就能一起走下去 」，那么圣经的第一卷书则告诉我们，如果夫妻不在家里一起祷告——哪怕 家只是像以撒和利百加那样的旷野帐篷——他们的婚姻就会岌岌可危。 If Father Patrick Peyton would tell us in the last century, "The family that prays together stays together," the first book of the Bible shows us that if a man and wife do not spend time praying together as a couple in their home, even if that home is just a tent in the desert like it was for Isaac and Rebekah, they're sunk.
我小时候看到父母跪在婚床前——那是他们献祭的 祭坛——一起为神的引导祷告，这对我意义非凡。 I can't tell you what it meant for me as a little boy to see my mother and father kneeling at the marriage bed, the altar of their sacrifice, praying together for God's guidance.
当然，他们也会吵得不可开交，但他们还是会在婚 床这个祭坛前跪下，为引导、和好和爱一起祷告。 Now, they could have a knockdown, drag-out fight when they wanted to, but they knelt at the altar of their sacrifice to pray for guidance, reconciliation, and love.
我永远不会忘记这个榜样。 I will never forget that example.
一起祷告的时光，常常能让婚姻生活中最艰难的部分也变得温馨。 That time in prayer together has a habit of making even the most difficult aspects of married life more pleasant.
圣方济各·沙雷是怎么描述这种情形的呢？ How does Saint Francis de Sales describe it?
「有些水果，比如榅桲……」如果你把榅桲扔到我脸上，我都认不出来那是什么。 "There are certain kinds of fruit, the quince, for instance." If you threw a quince at me in the face, I'd have no clue what it is.
所以如果你在超市里看到榅桲，记得带一个给我，因为我真的不知道那是什么。 So if you happen to find one at the grocery store, bring it to me, 'cause I don't know what one is.
不过，「榅桲因为汁液苦涩，只有用糖腌渍才好吃；而像樱桃、 杏子这样柔软的水果，也只有用同样的方法才能保存得久。」 But anyway, "Which because of their bitter juice are agreeable only when preserved in sugar, while because of their tenderness, certain others, such as cherries and apricots, cannot be kept long unless preserved in the same way.
妻子们应该希望用虔诚的糖分来保存丈夫。 Wives should desire that their husbands be kept with the sugar of devotion.
没有虔诚，男人就会变得严厉、粗暴、冷漠；没有虔诚，女人就会变 得软弱，容易失去美德。所以，夫妻之间要彼此「加点糖」对吧？ Without devotion, a man is a severe, harsh, rough creature, and without devotion, a woman is very frail and apt to decline in virtue or lose it." So in other words, married couples, give each other some sugar, right?
要多加点糖——用关爱、温柔和祷告来表达——这样 你们的结合才能长久，也能避免彼此变得不像自己。 A lot of sugar, in the form of affection and tenderness and prayer, and your union will be preserved and you will both avoid becoming less versions of yourselves.
最后，圣方济各·沙雷提醒我们，教会的公共礼 拜与家庭教会的礼仪性质之间有着密切联系。 Finally, Saint Francis de Sales reminds us of the connection between the public worship of the church and the liturgical character of the domestic church.
纳齐安的圣贵格利告诉我们，在他那个时代，夫妻们把结婚纪念日当作节日来庆祝。 Saint Gregory Nazianzen tells us that in his time, married people kept their wedding anniversary as a festival day.
在那一天，夫妻要去办告解、领圣餐，并以比平 时更热切的心，把婚姻的幸福和成功交托给神。 On that day, husband and wife should go to confession and Holy Communion, and with more than ordinary fervor, commend to God the success and happiness of their marriage.
他们要重新立志，以彼此的爱和忠诚让婚姻更加圣化 ，可以说，要在主里重新得力，去承担各自的使命。 They should renew their good intention to sanctify it still more by mutual love and fidelity, and so to speak, they should recover breath in our Lord to support the burdens of their vocation.
你还记得曾经让你心动的那个人吗？ Do you remember a time when the partner you fell in love with took your breath away?
你和你的配偶现在是不是靠「人工呼吸」维持关系？ Are you and your spouse now on artificial life support?
还是你们让神为你们枯干的婚姻注入新生命？你 的结婚纪念日只是日历上的一个普通日子吗？ Or are you letting God breathe life into the dry old bones of your marriage?Is your anniversary just another date on the calendar?
你们只是出去约会、互送纪念品来纪念吗？ Do you memer- merely commemorate it with a date night out and an exchange of memorabilia souvenirs?
还是把它当作你们夫妻的「复活节」，节中之节？ Or do you see it as your own couple's Easter, the feast of feasts?
你们是否像教会预备复活节那样，以祷告、准备和悔改来 迎接结婚纪念日，好让你们能欢庆神让你们结合的喜乐？ Do you prepare for the anniversary of your marriage like the church prepares for Easter, in prayer and preparation and penance, so you can celebrate and revel in the joy that God has put the two of you together?
你的孩子们看到你们怎么过结婚纪念日？是很普通、毫无 特别，还是节中之节，是家庭教会全年最重要的日子？ How do your children see you live the anniversary of your marriage, something ordinary, nothing special, or as a feast of feasts, the central event in the yearly calendar of your domestic church?
除非你真的很可怕（如果真是这样我们得好好为你祷 告），否则你绝不会对孩子说：「你只是普通人。」 Now, unless you are an absolutely horrifying human being, which if you are we need to have a word of prayer, you would never tell your children, "You're just ordinary.
「你没什么特别。」其实他们是奇迹，所以你才会把 每一个对他们来说特别的日子都当作大事来庆祝。 You're nothing special." They're miracles, and that's why you make a big deal about every day that is special to and for them.
那为什么不也为那个没有它就没有这一切美好的日 子——你们的结婚纪念日——同样隆重庆祝呢？ So why not do the same for that day without which none of that beauty would even exist?
亲爱的朋友们，我们堂区今年四旬期的目标就是简化和合一。 My dear friends, our Lenten project as a parish is to simplify and unify.
当我们的夫妻们简化生活，把一切不是神和祂旨意的 东西都去除时，他们会惊喜地发现彼此成长了许多。 When our married couples simplify their lives to get rid of anything that is not God and His will for their lives, they are amazed to see how much they grow together.
撒但想要分裂夫妻、家庭和家园。 Satan wants to divide couples, families, and homes.
我现在就告诉你，谎言之父在我们这个时代确实做得很成功。 And I'll tell you right now, the Father of Lies has done a pretty bang up job of it in our own time.
要让家庭重新合一，就必须把神重新放在我们生命和婚姻的中心。 To unite them again requires putting God back at the center of our lives and our marriages.
只要这样做，你就会看到神的作为何等奇妙。 Do that, and see how wonderful are the works of the Lord.