因父、及子、及圣灵之名。 In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost.
阿们。 Amen.
我去年同一个主日讲道时，讲的是我们的主把兑换银钱 的人赶出圣殿，特别谈到这和管教孩子有什么关系。 I preached on this same Sunday last year on our Lord driving the money changers out of the temple, and specifically how that relates to the discipline of children.
所以今天我就要把去年的讲道内容再讲一遍。 And so I'm going to recycle my sermon last year for today.
教宗方济各看到一定会很高兴。 Pope Francis would be proud.
管教孩子是一个很重要的话题。 It's an important topic, discipline of children.
我们今天在世界上看到完全缺乏管教和责任感，尤 其是在教会里，所以这个话题确实值得反复强调。 We see in the world today a total lack of discipline and accountability, especially in the Church, and so it does bear repeating.
有一句拉丁谚语：「Repetitio est mate r studiorum」，意思是「重复是学习之母」。 There's a Latin phrase, "Repetitio est mater studiorum," repetition is the mother of learning.
人们其实不太需要被教导新的内容，更需要被提醒。 People do not need so much to be instructed as they need to be reminded.
所以今天我们要再次提醒大家一些关于管教孩子的原则。 And so we will be reminded today regarding some principles on disciplining children.
今天的福音选自路加福音，讲的是我们的主赶走兑换银钱的人。在他这样做之前 ，在他进入圣殿、管教他的子民之前，他先为他们哭泣，哀叹他们拒绝他的爱。 Now, today's gospel account from St. Luke is of our Lord driving out the money changers, and before He does that, before He enters the temple and disciplines His children, He first weeps over them, lamenting their refusal of His love.
「巴不得你在这日子知道关系你平安的事。」但犹太人却不肯。 "If only thou hadst known in this day the things that are to thy peace." But the Jews would not.
他们想继续放纵自己的恶欲。 They wanted to continue indulging their evil desires.
他们想继续做坏事，所以拒绝了美善。 They wanted to continue their bad behavior, and so they refused that which was good.
因此，我们的主出于对他子民的爱，进入圣殿，把作恶的人赶出去。 And so our Lord, out of love for His children, enters the temple and begins to cast out the evildoers.
约翰福音里记载了更多细节，比如我们的主用绳子做成鞭子 ，把兑换银钱的人的桌子和卖鸽子的人的凳子都推倒了。 St. John's gospel includes more of the details with which we are familiar, such as our Lord making a cord of whips and then kicking over the tables of them that changed money and the chairs of them that sold doves.
我们从基督生平中的这件事学到，管教应该怎么做。 And what we learned from this event in the life of Christ is how discipline ought to be given.
今天福音的最后一句是：「他天天在殿里施教。」 神让这成为一个教导的时刻，特别是给父母们。 The final line in today's gospel is, "And He was teaching daily in the temple." God intended this to be a teaching moment, especially for parents.
在希伯来书12章5到7节里我们读到：「因为主 所爱的，他必管教，又鞭打凡所收纳的儿子。」 In Hebrew, uh, Hebrews 12:5-7 we read, "For whom the Lord loveth, He chastises, and He scourges every son whom He receives.
你们所忍受的是神管教你们，待你们如同待儿子。哪有儿子不 被父亲管教的呢？没有管教就是没有爱，孩子们是知道的。 God deals with you as with His sons, for what son is there whom the Father does not correct?" A lack of discipline is a lack of love, and children know this.
人们常常谈论爱的语言，对吧？ People talk about the love languages, right?
比如身体接触、肯定的话语等等。 Uh, touch, words of affirmation, et cetera.
管教其实也是爱的语言之一。 Discipline is one of them.
孩子们明白这一点。 Children know that.
很多时候，孩子之所以觉得不被爱，是因为他们没有被管教。 And very often, children feel unloved because children are undisciplined.
接下来我们要讲五个要点，然后再谈一些总体的思考。 Now, there are five, uh, five kind of, uh, points we will consider and then some general considerations after that.
在这些要点里，我们从主的榜样学到了什么？ Uh, but among them, what do we learn from our Lord's example?
这是我们谈管教时首先要想到的。 It's the first thing we should think of with discipline.
父母们，如果你们要管教孩子，就要以身作则。 Parents, if you're gonna discipline your children, do it by example.
孩子们还不成熟。 Children are immature.
孩子们很容易被宠坏。 Children are spoiled.
孩子们很自私。 Chil- children are selfish.
太多父母也是这样。 Too many parents are the same way.
这是我们要学的第一个功课。 That's the first lesson we're gonna learn.
我们的主没有这些毛病，但我们却常常有。 Our Lord was, was none of those things, but too often we are.
这算是第0.1课吧。 There's like lesson number, you know, 0.1.
但福音里的第一课是：管教的动机是出于爱。 But lesson one from the gospel: Discipline is motivated by love.
我们的主首先为他们哭泣。 Our Lord wept first.
管教和惩罚的原因，是因为父母爱孩子。 Discipline and punishment are motivated because the parent loves the child.
他们不希望孩子伤害自己。 They do not want the child to harm themselves.
这也是今天书信的全部教训。 That was the whole lesson of today's epistle.
以色列人遭遇了那些事，被火蛇咬死，一天死了二万三千人，都是因为他们犯罪。 All those things happened to the Israelites, bitten by fiery serpents, three and 20,000 fell in one day, because they were sinning.
那是他们自己的错。 It was their own fault.
这些事是作为鉴戒和教训给我们的。 It was given to us by figure, by instruction.
要渴望对你孩子有益、带来平安的事。 Desire what is to thy children's peace.
平安就是有秩序的安宁，而孩子们的欲望常常很混乱。 Peace is a tranquility of order, and children have very disordered desires.
他们常常失控。 They're out of control.
他们无法控制自己的情绪和欲望。 They can't control their passions.
父母们，要带来秩序。 Parents, bring order.
你在管教孩子时，就是在表达爱。 It's love while you discipline your children.
管教应该事先有计划。 Discipline should be planned out ahead of time.
这就是为什么我们的主要先编成鞭子。 That is why our Lord made a cord of whips.
他有计划。 He had a plan.
他仔细思考过。 He reasoned it out.
他不急躁，慢慢来。 He took His time.
他不是一时冲动。 He was not reactionary.
父母们也应该这样做。 And so that is what parents ought to do.
要主动。 Be proactive.
要有思考。 Be thoughtful.
编好你自己的鞭子，也就是制定好计划。 Make your cord of whips, which means a plan.
提前想好要怎么做，然后照着去做。 Come up with something ahead of time and then do it.
这样有助于你控制自己的怒气。 This will help you in controlling your anger.
其实很多时候，父母之所以最后惩罚过重，是因为之前惩罚太轻或根本没有惩罚。 Uh, very often actually, you know, parents, they end up over-punishing their children because they've under-punished their children.
他们一开始什么都不做，什么都不管，最后忍无可忍，一下子惩罚得太重。 They let something go, they don't do anything, they don't do anything, and finally they've had it and they way over-punish.
如果你有计划，惩罚不是因为你生气，而是因为孩子需要，就不会这样了。 That won't happen if you have a plan and you punish not because you're angry, but because the child needs it.
管教可以是身体上的，也可以是带有力度的。 Discipline can be physical and it can be aggressive.
我们的主推倒桌子和凳子，还用鞭子把人赶出去。 Our Lord kicked over tables and chairs and He chased people with a whip.
这就是我们说的体罚。 That is what we call corporal punishment.
神在圣经里告诉我们，这是允许的。 And God is telling us in the Scriptures that is permissible.
和现代一些专家、心理学家的建议相反，体罚对孩子并不是坏事。 Contrary to the advice of modern day experts and psychologists, uh, corporal punishment is not bad for your children.
看看过去四十年那些糟糕的儿童心理学带来了什么后果。 Look at what 40 years of bad c- child psychology has happened.
街头暴乱不断。 Riots and, and in the streets.
我们都看到了。 We're seeing that.
我可以告诉你，这些孩子小时候都没有被父母好好管教。 Yet those children didn't get disciplined by their parents, I'll tell you that.
父母有自然律赋予的权利去体罚自己的孩子，没有任何国家法 律，也没有任何流行心理学家能剥夺或改变这一点。但如果使 用体罚，如果表现出愤怒，也必须加以控制，并且要有分寸。 Parents have a natural law right to physically punish their children, and no state law, no, no pop psychologist can take that away from you or change that.But if corporal punishment i- i- is used, if anger is displayed, and it can be, it should be controlled and proportionate .
这正是我们的主基督给我们的榜样，他推倒兑换 银钱之人的桌子，也推倒卖鸽子之人的凳子。 And that is the example of Christ, our Lord, by kicking over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those that sold doves .
因为钱掉在地上可以捡起来，没什么损失，但如果桌子上有鸽子的笼 子，你把桌子推倒，笼子坏了，鸽子飞走或受伤，那就是财产损失。 For you can pick up money off the ground, no harm done, but if you kick over the table and it's got a cage of doves and the cage breaks, the doves escape or they're injured, that's loss of property.
这样就失去了分寸，也就不合适了。 Disproportionate and, uh, uh, and- and so not appropriate.
所以我们的主也给我们做了这个分寸的榜样。 So our Lord even gives that example.
你可以带着愤怒去管教，但必须加以控制。 You can discipline with anger, but it should be controlled.
愤怒不应该成为你管教的动机，动机应该是对孩子有益。 Anger should not be the motive of your discipline, but what is good for the child .
最重要的是，管教是为了避免更大的恶。 Uh, most importantly, discipline is given that a greater evil might be avoided.
我们的主基督管教犹太人，是因为他看到耶路撒冷将要遭遇毁灭的大祸。 Christ, our Lord, disciplined the Jews because He saw the evil of the destruction of Jerusalem coming.
他预言了这件事。 He prophesied about it.
「日子将到，你的仇敌要筑起土垒，周围环绕你，困住你，四面压住你，也要扫灭你和 你里头的儿女，并且连一块石头也不留在另一块石头上。」这一切都是他们自己的错。 "The days will come when thy enemies shall cast a trench about thee, and straighten thee on all sides, and beat thee flat to the ground, and thy children, and not a stone will be left upon a stone." This was due to their own fault.
当孩子们做错事、你在惩罚他们时，就要告诉他们：「这是你自己的错。 And that is what children need to be told when they are misbehaving and when you are punishing them, "This is your own fault.
如果你不再做错事，就不会再被惩罚。」这是孩子们必须学会的重要功课。 If you stopped misbehaving, you would stop being punished." That is such an important lesson for children to learn.
这些就是我们今天从福音记载中学到的内容，接下来我们还要谈一些别的方面。 Now those are- those are what we learned from, uh, uh, the- the- the gospel account today, and we're gonna consider some other things as well.
开始管教孩子的最佳时机就是现在。 And the best time to begin disciplining is right away.
婴儿和幼儿，虽然婴儿还不太适合，但如果孩子 已经能学新语言了，他就已经可以被管教了。 Infants and toddlers, uh, not so much infants, but if a child is old enough to learn a new language, he's old enough to be disciplined.
对吧？ Right?
而且孩子们很早就开始学语言了。 And children start learning languages very, very early.
在管教孩子、对待孩子，以及你能用多少道理去说服他们方面，是有区别的。 And there is a difference in how you discipline children and- and how you treat them, uh, and- and how much reason you can employ.
一般来说，孩子越大，你能用的道理就越多。 In general, the older the child, the more reason you can use.
「因为妈妈说了」对小孩子来说就是一个完全合理的理由。 "Because Mommy said so" is a perfectly acceptable reason for a child, a toddler.
但对青少年来说就不管用了。 It's not gonna work for a teenager.
但父母们无论什么时候都不需要觉得必须向孩子解释自己或和他们争论。 Uh, but at no point should parents feel like you have to explain yourself to your children or argue with them.
甚至连全能的神在管教亚当和夏娃、给他们命令时，也只是说 ：「不可吃分别善恶树上的果子。」他只给了他们一个理由。 Uh, even God, God Almighty, when He was disciplining Adam and Eve, when He gave them instruction, He said, "Do not eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil." He gave them one reason.
「免得你们死。」就这么一句。 "Lest you die." That's it.
没有更多解释。 No explanation.
这就是理由。 This is the reason.
这是规矩。 Here's the rule.
我希望你遵守。 I expect you to follow it.
父母们，你们不需要向孩子解释自己，也不需要和他们争论。 Parents, you don't have to explain yourself or argue with your children.
现在很重要的一点，特别是对年幼的孩子，要分清无知和恶意的区别。 Now very important, especially with younger children, to make sure you make the difference between ignorance and malice.
无知就是孩子不知道该怎么做。 Ignorance is a child doesn't know what to do.
他们分不清对错。 They don't know what is right from wrong.
或者他们其实知道，但会忘记、会笨拙、会不负责任。 Or they do know, but they're forgetful, they're clumsy, they are irresponsible.
他们毕竟是孩子。 They're children.
这是可以理解的，对吧？ That's understandable, right?
这种无知。 Th- that kind of ignorance.
这正是管教的意义所在。 That is what discipline is for.
你要管教这种无知。 You discipline that kind of ignorance.
恶意是指他们明知道对错，明知道什么是好，也知道你想要什么，但却故意和你作对。 Malice is when they know right and wrong, they know what the good is, they know what you want, and they fight you.
他们故意不听你的话。 They disobey you.
他们不尊重你。 They disrespect you.
这就是恶意，这种情况不只是管教。 That is malice, and that should not be disciplined.
这种应该受到惩罚。 That should be punished.
区别在哪里？ What's the difference?
管教的特点是教导孩子该做什么，为他们树立好榜 样，表扬好的行为，对不好的行为表示不赞同。 The characteristics of discipline are instructing the children what to do, modeling good behavior for them, praising good behavior, and showing disapproval of bad behavior.
这些都是管教的方式。 Those are all forms of discipline.
这还不是惩罚。 That's not punishment.
但可惜的是，很多父母就停在这里，因为他们被告知「不要用体罚」。 But unfortunately, that's where many parents stop, because they've been told, "Oh, don't use corporal punishment.
「不要打孩子。」 Don't hit your children.
「那会让他们变得暴力」等等。 That'll cause them to be violent," et cetera.
其实恰恰相反。 The opposite.
那么父母们在必须惩罚孩子时该怎么办呢？ So what are parents supposed to do, right, when they have to punish?
顺便说一句，你们在神面前有责任这样做。 And by the way, you have an obligation before God to do that.
父母们，你们将来要站在神的审判台前，神会问你 ：「我交托给你的孩子，你为他们做了什么？」 Parents, you will stand before the judgment seat of God and He will ask you, "What did you do for my children, my children whom I gave you?
你看见了他们的不良行为。 You saw their bad behavior.
你看见了他们的恶意。 You saw their malice.
你却什么都没做。」我告诉你，这个责任最大的还是父亲。 And you didn't do anything about it." And I'll tell you what, that's gonna fall the hardest on the fathers.
我在我们教会里也看到这样的情况。 And I see some of that even in this church.
我看到有些妈妈在外面的走廊，也就是我们说的「哭泣 室」里，抱着一个两岁的孩子，孩子在和妈妈挣扎。 I see moms out there in that hallway, what we call our- our crying room, and they're holding a- a- a toddler, two years old, who's fighting the mother.
父亲们，这是你们的责任。 Fathers, that is your fault.
如果那是你的妻子在外面和孩子挣扎，你应该感到羞愧。 And if that's your wife out there, struggling with her kid, you should be ashamed.
要惩罚你孩子的恶意。 Punish that malice in your child.
你知道为什么吗？ Because guess what?
现在你孩子的不良行为可能只是坐在教堂里扭来扭去、说话、发脾气。 Uh, right now, your child's misbehavior is squirming in church, talking in church, throwing a fit.
二十年后，你孩子的不良行为可能就是淫乱、离开教会。 20 years from now, your child's misbehavior is fornication, leaving the church.
我告诉你，现在看到孩子因为被惩罚而哭泣，虽然让你心疼，但远远比你将 来因为孩子离开信仰而流泪要轻得多，那时你会后悔没有管教他们的恶欲。 I'll tell you, it may be hard to see your child weep because you punished them now, but that is a far less pain than when you weep when your child has left the faith because you didn't discipline their evil desires.
幼儿的恶欲很小。 Evil desires are small in a toddler.
如果他们现在不学会约束小小的恶欲，将来面对更大的恶时也不会自律。 If they don't learn how to discipline that small evil, they're not gonna learn how to discipline the big evil when it happens.
这就是为什么神为耶路撒冷哭泣。 That's why God weeps over Jerusalem.
这是给你们的教训。 That is for your instruction.
神也体会过那种痛苦。 God felt that pain.
他知道看到自己的孩子走迷路是什么感受。 He knows what it's like to see His children go astray.
他希望你们不要经历这种痛苦。 She wants to spare you from it.
不过我要说，这不是一个让你们自责、定罪的讲道…… But I'm gonna tell you what, this is a no judgment, no guilt sermon...
我收回这句话。 I take that back.
等一下。 Hold on.
应该说，是一个「低自责、低定罪」的讲道。 It's a- a- a low, low guilt, low judgment.
因为即使是最完美的父母——全能的神——也有一些孩子走迷路了。 Because even the best parent, God Almighty, even some of His children went astray.
所以如果你已经尽力了，孩子还是不听话，也不要太自责。 So don't beat yourselves up if your children, despite your best efforts, don't correspond, if you still have children who misbehave.
我以前说过，每个家庭里可能都有那么一个「小 恶魔」，怎么惩罚都没用，什么办法都不管用。 Um, I- I said it before, every- every family has that demon child that is like impervious to pain or that it's nothing seems to work.
这确实很难。 That's difficult.
对吧？ Right?
你可能会遇到难管教的孩子。所以只要你已经尽力、认真思考和努力了，就不要怪自己。 You're gonna have difficult children.So don't blame yourself if you have done your best, if you have really, uh, uh, put effort and thought into it.
而且要记住，当你管教和惩罚孩子时，要让他们明白，这一 切是为他们好，让他们自己心里说：「这样做不值得。」 And keep in mind, uh, when you discipline and punish your child, uh, you do want them to understand, as I said, it's for their own good and you want them to say to themselves, "It's not worth it.
「为了满足我的欲望，不值得受这样的惩罚。」所以孩子 犯错的程度有多大，你就不需要一下子惩罚得特别重。 It's not worth the punishment to indulge my desire." So a child misbehaves this much, you don't need to, you don't need to punish, you know, out to the moon right away.
惩罚要恰到好处。 You punish just enough.
孩子犯错到这个程度，你就惩罚到相应的程度。 Child misbehaves here, you want them to punish here.
他们会怎么想？ What do they say?
「不值得。」如果你的孩子继续闹、继续发脾气，他其实是想让你说什么？ "It's not worth it." Now, if your child continues misbehaving and throws a fit, what's he trying to get you to say?
「不值得。」孩子就是想让你放弃惩罚，所以才一直闹。 "It's not worth it." Your child wants you to stop punishing, that's why they continue misbehaving.
他们会让你觉得太难了，让你心里说：「算了，不值得。」 They're going to make it so hard for you that you say to yourself, "It's just not worth it.
「我宁愿忍受他们发脾气，也让别人一起受罪，因为我不 知道怎么办，或者我太累了，实在应付不了。」等等。 I'd rather deal with a tantrum and I'm going to make everybody else in public deal with their tantrum also because I don't know what to do or I'm tired or I just can't deal with it." Whatever.
千万不要这样。 Don't do that.
不要放弃。 Don't give up.
有些人会说：「神父，我的孩子只有在弥撒、在公共场合才会 闹。」其实很可能是因为你只在这些时候要求他们有好行为。 Now, some people will say, "Well, Father, the only time my child acts up is when he's at mass or when he's in public or whatever." Uh, that's probably because that's the only time you ask for proper behavior.
如果孩子只有在弥撒时才需要安静、坐好、专心， 那他们当然会闹，因为平时从来没这样要求过。 If the only time a child has to sit still, be quiet, and pay attention is at mass, that's when they're going to act out because they've never had to do it before.
所以你要在家里就坚持要求好行为。 So what you do in the home is insist upon good, proper behavior.
家里才是你建立管教、实行惩罚的地方。 The home is where you establish discipline, the home is where you punish.
公共场合只是展示你在家里培养出来的管教成果。 Public is where you display the discipline you've instilled in the home.
正如我们的主说：「我的殿必称为祷告的殿。」要求孩子也遵守这一点，并不过分。 As our Lord says, "My house is a house of prayer." That's not unreasonable to expect even children abide by that.
我再强调一遍，不要觉得难过，如果你惩罚过重或过轻，这并不代表你是坏父母。 As I said especially, don't feel bad, you are not a bad parent if you over-punished or under-punished your child.
每个人都会犯错。 Um, e- everybody makes mistakes.
真正会让孩子受伤害的，是父母不爱他们。 Children, what's going to cause children trauma is parents who don't love them.
这才是真正的伤害。 Uh, that's what is going to cause trauma.
当孩子发现你更爱自己胜过爱他们，这才会对他们造成伤害。 And when children see that you love yourself more than them, that's what's going to be bad for them.
而不是说你出于爱惩罚多了或少了。 Not whether out of, of true love for them, maybe you are, you punished too much or realized it was too little.
关键在于你有没有爱。 It's the love that makes the difference.
特别是你用体罚时，其实是在教孩子，他们的灵魂比身体更重要。 And you really, especially if you use corporal punishment, you are teaching your child that their soul is more important than their body.
哪一个更糟？ What is worse?
是孩子屁股上一时的疼痛，还是他们心里长期的坏行为？ A temporary pain in a child's behind or long-lasting bad behavior in their heart?
但正如我说过的，你没有的东西是给不了孩子的。 Uh, but you can't give what you don't have, as I said.
很多父母不管教孩子，是因为他们自己也没有自律。 So many parents, uh, they don't discipline their children because they themselves are not disciplined.
所以夫妻、父母们，你们要先自律。 So spouses, parents, you have to discipline yourselves.
要达成共识，彼此沟通，制定计划，编好你们的「鞭子」，然后去实行。 Be on the same page, talk to each other, come up with a plan, make your cord of whips, whatever that might be, a- and then, and then execute it.
要用心思考。 Uh, put some thought into it.
要主动。 Be proactive.
你这样做是在向孩子表达爱，也是在教导他们。 You're showing your children love and you are instructing them.
你是在为他们树立好行为、自律、自我控制、彼此相爱的榜样。 You're modeling good behavior, you're modeling discipline, you're modeling self-control, you're modeling charity towards each other.
这就是事情发生的方式。 That is how it's going to happen.
最好的带领就是以身作则。 That's, that's the best leadership is by example.
我想说，我们今天在世界上看到的，就是对神和他权柄的完全不尊重。 And I would say, you know, I would ask the question that, that, you know, we, we, we see in the world today a total lack of respect for God and his authority.
那么，如果我们自己都不管教自己的孩子，我们真的有 资格去责怪那些没有管教子民的主教、教会和教宗吗？ Uh, and, and can we really, can we really blame the bishops and the Church and the Pope who aren't disciplining their children if we're not disciplining our own?
你们今天的孩子，将来会成为社会的官员、祭司、甚至主教。 And, and your children today are going to become the governors, the priests, and the bishops of tomorrow.
这些人需要明白什么是管教。 And those men and women need, uh, to understand discipline.
他们需要明白，管教是好事，是有益的。 They need to understand discipline is good, it is, it is a good thing.
敬畏神是好事。 The fear of the Lord is a good thing.
惩罚恶事也是好事。 Punishing of evil is a good thing.
当世界上有更多人明白这些道理，世界就会变得更美好。 When we have people in the world who understand that, the world is going to become a better place.
人们也会更容易约束自己的情欲，遵行基督的律法。 It's going to be easier for people to discipline their passions and follow the laws of Christ.
所以我想请求在座的每一位，特别是父母们。 Uh, so I would like to ask that of all of us, uh, especially parents.
请以身作则。 Uh, lead by example.
先自律，然后管教你的孩子。 Discipline yourselves and then, and discipline your children.
神要求你这样做，也要求我们每个人这样做。 God is asking that of you, he's asking that of all of us.
让我们回应神借着洗礼、婚姻、以及你有孩子这件事所赐下的恩典。 Uh, let us correspond to the graces we have by our baptism, by your marriage, uh, by the fact you have children.
你们为此得到了特别的恩典。 You have graces specifically for that.
要善用这些恩典，回应神，要慷慨、要有爱心，也要管教你的孩子。 Make use of them, correspond to God, be generous, be loving, discipline your kids.
愿因父、及子、及圣灵之名，神赐福你们每一位。 God bless you all in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
阿们。 Amen.
感谢大家的聆听。 Thank you for listening.
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愿神报答你，非常感谢。 May God reward you and thank you very much.